Power
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Power 〰️
Image: Marissa Moorhead
The Edinburgh Fringe is back for 2026, and with it, our annual feature series! This year, we’re taking on POWER: Who’s got it? Where is it? Where should it be? How do you get it? Our comedians are the only ones with the answers.
By Zoe Wohlfeld
1. You found a credit card on Cowgate
And it’s one of those heavy black ones!
2. To promote your Fortified Pinot Grigio brand
Move over Brandy and Sherry, there’s a new girl in town and her name is Brooke™!
3. It’s 11am and you’re the only one at the bar
You’re feeling generous today, make it a double ;)
4. To inspire loyalty
It’s a little known fact, but this is why dogs are so loyal to their owners. Every time a dog is adopted, their new owner brings them to a bar and buys them a shot (preferably of Brookes™)
5. Your hen do wrecked the vibe
And from this night forth, it is declared that every hen or stag do that parades into the bar must offer the punters a shot (and also a sincere apology).
6. You fear you are in the presence of traitors
You’re not exactly sure who they are so you put poison in every shot to make sure the threat is eliminated.
7. You’re the former Duke of York trying to have a quiet night out
Your bar tab comes to £16 million.
8. You’ve already had 3 glasses of Pinot and 5 Brookes™ and you have no idea what you’re doing!
Whoops!
9. You must prepare the men for battle
Some bitch just came in with her brand of Fortified Chardonnay (Ashley™). You cannot let this stand.
10. Family money
Zoe Wohlfeld: Dog Funeral is running at Underbelly Cowgate (Jelly Belly) from Aug 5-30th (except 17th) at 17:15. Tickets here
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2026:
“In one rehearsal, I told the other two I saw myself as ‘captain of the troupe’. The improvisation immediately turned into them mockingly saluting me, ‘Captain, my Captain’. It was hilarious but also, if I'm honest, a bit humiliating.”
“This is the book that promises to teach you how to dominate every room, manipulate every social interaction and generally become the sort of person people describe as ‘intense’. These 6 power moves will help you maximise your Edinburgh Fringe visit.”
“It’s a little known fact, but this is why dogs are so loyal to their owners. Every time a dog is adopted, their new owner brings them to a bar and buys them a shot.”
“Dethroned, I had to crawl back and grovel, hoping that my friends would let me back into the inner circle. In an instant, my entire social standing lay in the hands of three prepubescent girls.’
“Staying in control is one of the keys to a happy life, but any therapist will tell you, how can you expect to control yourself, if you don’t first control the lives of those around you?”
“My heart dropped out my arse when I saw a fellow comedian's prestigious producer/venue bill, where the £14k they had amassed in ticket sales profit had been whittled down through costs to a shiny £28.”
“Once I’m done eating the bugs I’ve found under my house, I’d probably just proceed to carry my house around with me, like a classy little evening clutch bag.”
“Early on in the planning, I decided that I wanted to heelie at my wedding. I didn’t know if it would be down the aisle or in the first dance. But I knew that if I wanted to, I could heelie anywhere and at any time I liked.”
“Whilst I have been busy prancing away, my family have been inventing and discovering things that have changed and even saved countless people’s lives! So here I am to prove that even though they may have achieved all these things…we are exactly the same!”
“While other kids were freely collecting CDs and watching MTV, I was building a mental list. Nothing makes something more appealing than telling a child they absolutely cannot have it.”
“Television, much like my waist size, is more than just a medium. It's a powerful outlet for artists to communicate diverse stories.”
“Screw what anyone else is doing – do what you want, who you want and how you want to do it. This is your Edinburgh Fringe and that's your PREROGATIVE”
“Like a priceless Patek Philippe watch, fragile masculinity and emotional constipation is yours to protect and pass on to your male heirs.”
“The rumours of the night are wrong. This wasn’t just a relinquishing of power, a decision about the future of Labour. To me, the Granita was an intimate candlelit table for two. The Granita was Tony wearing a crisp blue shirt and asking whether I wanted to share some garlic bread. I did not want the garlic bread. I wanted him.”
‘Some of you might say: “Marty, there has never been a Mayor of the Fringe before, we don’t think we need one.” And to that I will gently press my whole hand to your mouth and say “questions at the end”.’
