Anna Thomas: 7 Things I’d Do If I Had the Power of The Incredible Hulk
Power
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Power 〰️
Image: Rebecca Need-Menear
The Edinburgh Fringe is back for 2026, and with it, our annual feature series! This year, we’re taking on POWER: Who’s got it? Where is it? Where should it be? How do you get it? Our comedians are the only ones with the answers.
By Anna Thomas
(Paddy McGuinness Voice:) Little Buggies, Reveal Yourself!
If I had Hulk’s strength, I would, of course, lift my house up from the ground, like a toastie maker, to see what’s cooking under there. Now, on a sidenote, I would not eat any bugs that I may find. Unless, of course, the bugs look anything like the grub-bugs-things that Timon and Pumbaa eat in the original Lion King film, in which case, I would absolutely be eating the bugs I find under there. I, for one, imagine that they taste like lovely little jammy doughnuts.
2. I’ve Got a Pocket, Got a Pocketful of My House
Once I’m done eating the bugs I’ve found under my house, I’d probably just proceed to carry my house around with me, like a classy little evening clutch bag. Chic, and very handy for those times I’m out and about and get the horrible thought ‘what if I’ve accidentally left every single tap in my house running, including the garden hose?’. Would be much more convenient to check said taps if I just started bringing my house along with me.
3. Bat Time!
If I had Hulk strength, I’d do something I have always wanted to do: catch a tube and spend the entire journey hanging upside down from those upper hand rail things by my legs, looking like a big fleshy human bat.
4. There Was 32 Year Old Lady Who Swallowed a...
That nursery rhyme about the lady who swallowed a fly, et al, has always intrigued me. I’m sure you, dear readers of LMAOnaise, are well aware of the song, but for those less-acquainted, it’s a nursery rhyme that opens with the mention of an ‘old lady’ swallowing a fly. We presume she’s done this by accident, but also, Huel has reportedly sold 600 million units in the last decade*, so clearly there are some humans in existence that will just pop any old shite into their mouths. Anyway, the rest of the song follows on as the lady proceeds to then go on to swallow a spider to catch the fly, a bird to catch the spider, a cat to then catch the bird, and a dog to catch the cat. Then, we reach a part of the song where you really have to suspend your disbelief: the woman swallows an entire goat, to supposedly ‘catch’ the dog. I understand the parade of animals up to this point, but this part is truly not feasible to me. What’s a goat going to do? I know dogs well, and I reckon that the dog would just assume that the goat was a big, unwell guinea pig, and would carry on with whatever it was doing inside the lady’s belly. To catch the goat, our protagonist then swallows a cow, which is again ridiculous as goats and cows are practically cousins. What was she thinking?
Anyway, the reason I bring this song up is because I’ve always wondered, how strong exactly was that lady’s body to hold all those animals all at once? Bear in mind, we don’t know what type of bird or dog she swallowed either, she could have slurped down an XL Bully and a full flamingo for all we know.
To conclude this bullet point, if I had the strength of the Hulk for a day, I would take the time to recreate this nursery rhyme’s horrible little Bush Tucker Trial, just to see what it would be like to have such a petting zoo scuttling about inside my tummy. However, I don’t eat meat, so the animals would be carved entirely from tofu (or a less upsetting meat alternative, if possible).
5. Knock Knock!
Who’s there? Me! If I had the strength of a Mr Hulk, I would go knocking door-to-door to see if anyone had any jars they needed opening. Not to be big, brave and helpful, but for the reason that if any of my enemies said yes, I’d simply offer to help, before tightening said jars even tighter. Aye, good luck opening them pickled silverskin onions, person who once pushed in front of me in the queue at the chemist! It’s Hulking Time!!!
6. An(na)hole Cover
I would lift up lots of manhole covers and have a look to see what’s going on down there. Ninja Turtles? Assassin Anteaters? Spy Salamanders? I, for one, can’t wait to find out!
7. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
If I got caught in a traffic jam whilst I had the strength of the I.H. himself, I would simply step out of my vehicle and get things moving by shot-putting my car back home. Then, I’d have to do the walk of shame once I’d remembered that my house is actually on my person so, technically, I was already home. We always forget this, but even strong people make mistakes.
Anna Thomas: How to Juggle a Ferret is running at Monkey Barrel Comedy (Cabaret Voltaire) from Aug 3-30th (except 18th), 14:55. Tickets here
Read more about Edinburgh Fringe 2026:
