Welcome to our Fringe Debuts series, where comedians taking their first show to Edinburgh Fringe will give you a little taster of what to expect, an insight into their world, or really super weird musings on something equally bizarre — to be honest, we just let them run with it. If you’re readying yourself for a giant lol injection in August, now’s your chance to find something NEW to add to your list.
Sarah Roberts and Kiran Saggu are taking their split bill ‘Cake’ to Edinburgh Fringe this year, ‘a delicious hour of stand up with a cherry on top’ from the founders of noughties (and naughty) themed sell-out comedy night Pussycat Lolls.
As two gorgeous (somehow single!!!) girls who truly love themselves, Sarah and Kiran think it’s extremely important to celebrate absolutely everything they do. And everything you do. So each night during Edinburgh Fringe they’re giving a sweet lil treat to the audience member with the most stunning reason to celebrate.
They’ve listed some of their fave excuses to congratulate themselves. Cos they’re doing amazing sweetie x
Getting a grey hair
I’m actually obsessed with getting older. It’s delicious to me. Everyone gets nicer and better at sex. Also I love that when you find a new grey hair, it means some of your cells have been like, ‘no I think I’ve had enough x’, I really respect that
I just got ghosted on the Queen’s Jubilee, which I’m pretty sure is a hate crime against women. But my (maybe THE) worst ghosting ever; In 2016 my boyfriend got a job in Hong Kong and moved there. He asked me to move with him and found me a job as a teacher while he was out there. After some umming and ahhing I called him and was like, you know what, I’ll get a flight and see what happens. He said he was really shocked because he didn’t think I’d actually come, and he needed some time to process. Then he ended the phone call and I think he’s still processing to this day??? Anyway thank god he ghosted me because imagine if I was living in Hong Kong with him literally now?? As IF?? He was also a sommelier which is a HUGE red flag
Bombing on stage
A transient experience. My good friend (and fabulous comedian) Carla Gordon once said to me after I bombed that bombing is actually the funniest thing on earth, because it’s like, the audience came out to laugh, you came out to make them laugh, you LITERALLY are there with the exact same goal, but somewhere the wires have crossed and neither of you have achieved your purpose. And now I just luuurve to bomb, sometimes I even do it on purpose (no I don’t but if you ever see me bomb then that time I was probably doing it on purpose)
Getting my phone stolen
I got my phone stolen recently by someone on a bicycle. So humbling to be robbed by someone on a mode of transport from the 1800s. And, this also was the day I’d decided to post a thirst trap for the first time in a long while. So getting the device I used to thirst trap stolen from me kind of felt like god punishing me for being a very very bad girl. Luckily I’m a masochist, so this whole thing overall just made me super horny
My card declining
This is truly just the universe telling you that you are and have enough. It’s the modern, metropolitan version of your mom saying ‘we have food at home’. Also, every time my card has declined I become thrifty as hell. I learn the true meaning of the dollar, and I stretch that shit! By that I mean, I shoplift. And shoplifting is hella exhilarating. Everyone deserves a ‘congratulations’ for exploring their wild side
Spilling a pint right after you buy it
This reminds me that I should just mine-sweep the whole bar or get men to buy me drinks. Like, did my card declining teach me nothing????
Missing a gym class
Fuck intentional physical movement. You know what we need to do more of? Intentional motionlessness. Also when you miss a gym class, you no longer need to lie to your instructor about how you got your lower back injury - saying it’s because of ‘inappropriate reasons’ instead of the real reason (sleeping weird) because the whole class is listening. I actually did this the other week, and it did make me seem like a fucking legend
Sarah Roberts and Kiran Saggu: Cake runs from Aug 4-28th, 9:55pm, at Just the Tonic at the Mash House. Tickets here
Find them on Twitter at @SarahRoberts___ and @turnmyswagguon, and Instagram at @sarahroberts______ , @kswaggu and @pus5ycatlols
Subscribe below for your regular comedy recommendations
(Make sure to check your spam folder)