Curated by Luke Rollason and Lorna Rose Treen.
(Read at your own peril.)
Most newspapers have already managed to pick their favourite jokes from the 1,200 comedy shows in the programme. That competition is dead and gone. So here are the twenty worst jokes of the Fringe, hand-picked by the best comedians* from their own shows. And unlike those other lists, these jokes are actually genuinely going to be performed live in Edinburgh, god help us all.
*that we know personally
Sam Nicoresti: I wanted to make sure I was still good at comedy, so I went on a stand-up refresher course. This week, we learnt about the set-up!
Sam Nicoresti: Cancel Anti Wokeflake Snow Culture, PBH’s Free Fringe: Banshee Labyrinth, 6-28 (20.55)
Siblings: Five Guys filled me up so much. And then I ate a burger.
Siblings: Siblage, Pleasance Courtyard, 3-29 (20.30)
Luke Rollason: This criminal is at large. But at normal size, he’ll be easy to catch!
Luke Rollason: Bowerbird, Monkey Barrel Comedy, 3-28 (12.30)
John-Luke Roberts: Imagine a world where Morissey wrote a pro-dessert song called “Panna Cotta on the streets of London”
John-Luke Roberts: A World Just Like Our Own, But… , Monkey Barrel Comedy, 1-28 (15.35)
Jen Ives: I don’t get why trans women want to do sports. Science has shown that even low impact sports, like running for example, if done regularly can cause brain damage. I mean, look at Caitlyn Jenner.
Jen Ives: Peak Trans, Gilded Balloon, 3-28 (19.00)
Jen says: “That’s my worst joke. It never gets a laugh”
Sarah Roberts: Me and Henry VIII are very similar. I went to a girl’s school so my loyal advisors are also plotting to kill me
Kiran Saggu and Sarah Roberts: Cake, Just The Tonic, 4-28 (21.55)
Joz Norris: Why do they call it red cabbage? I think it’s more of a purpley-blue
Joz Norris: Blink, Pleasance Courtyard, 3-29 (20.20)
The Lovely Boys: I’ve got X-Ray vision… There’s no X-Rays in the building tonight!
The Lovely Boys, Just The Tonic, 4-28 (17.30)
Luke says: “Compiling this list has been one of the worst experiences of my life”
Simon David: I had sex with a journalist once. He really got the inside scoop.
Simon David: White Gay, Gilded Balloon, 3-28 (21.00)
Kate Butch: This is a safe space, and I’d like to come clean. Because normally there’s little red flecks in mine.
Kate Butch: Wuthering Shite, Assembly Rooms, 4-27 (19.45)
Elly Shaw: (As Odysseus) Wow it's literally so random that I'm called Odysseus and I'm on an odyssey??
Elly Shaw and Elaine Fellows: This Girl Can’t, Laughing Horse @ Dragonfly, 4-28 (14.00)
Lorna Rose Treen: I used to be a damsel in distress, but now I’m a damsel in THIS dress. I bought a new dress.
Lorna Rose Treen: Skin Pigeon, The Bill Murray, 25 only (18.30)
Lorna says: “I am not doing the Edinburgh Fringe this year but I have high school trauma about feeling left out…”
Crizards: Isn’t this demeaning? It is demeaning. De meaning of life.
Crizards: Cowboys, Assembly George Square Studios, 3-28 (22.15)
Ryan Lane: How about Rugby! It’s not quite snooker, not quite football, just something in between.
Ryan Lane Will Be There Now In A Minute, Assembly Roxy, 3-28 (15.10)
Liahona Preparatory Academy: You are as a candle, better burnt out (from Henry IV 2)
Liahona Preparatory Academy: O, For A Muse Of Fire: Henry IV 1, Henry IV 2, Henry V, theSpace @ Niddry St, 5-10 (9.40)
Luke says: “Who submitted this”
Lorna says: “Liahona Preparatory Academy, six-time National Shakespeare Champions.”
Luke says: “Are they one of your favourite comedians?”
Lorna says: “Yes.”
Luke says: “OK”
Sami Abu Wardeh: I don’t have a visa. Please don’t tell Priti Patel. Priti please.
Sami Abu Wardeh: Bedu, Underbelly Cowgate, 4-28 (20.10)
Rajiv Karia: I’m not great at telling people off - my Uber driver could crash into a lamppost and I’d probably still give him… a handjob
Rajiv Karia: Gallivant, Pleasance Courtyard, 3-28 (16.25)
Ted Hill: And I know what you’re thinking, I don’t just mean James Buchanan! (you really need the context but the press contact said I can only have a limited number of chara
Ted Hill: All The Presidents Man, Just The Tonic, 4-28 (18.40)
Posey Mehta: I’m bananas for bananas.
Posey Mehta: I Am Not A Gorilla, Underbelly Bristo Square, 3-29 (22.00)
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It was created by the wonderful MICHAEL JULINGS, whose work you can find here